His love wasn’t perfect because he never considered himself to be perfect. He forgot things, he showed up late. He tried his hardest just to make sure she’s happy. He sometimes said the wrong things because he didn’t know what to say to make her feel better, instead he also held by her in comforting her and listening to her. He had been there for her like nobody else have been for her before. He remembered the little things to make her smile and did anything it took to only make her smile. He showed up randomly with little surprises that would let her think of him all the while. He showed her his sweet side that he typically hided from the world and he hugged her close when she was sad. He supported her for feeling confident and gave her a little kick in the ass when she started to lose track of her goals and motivation. He had been behind her 100 percent of the way because he believed in her dreams and never wanted to see herself giving up when things get hard. He pushed her to become a better person. He looked into her eyes and really trusted her. He saw who she was beyond the front she showed the world and he loved all the imperfect parts about her because they were still perfect to him. He made her feel like she have found a home in his heart and he was a kind to her. He never left her feeling uneasy or uncertain about their relationship and he never left her up at night sick over what he could be doing. He never had put her on the back burner and he did not make her feel like she’s got to fight for his attention. He loved her with his whole heart, even the parts that have previously been broken because he knew that she deserved all he’s got. He made her feel like she is his greatest blessing. He was proud to show her off and brag about her to his friends and family. He opened compartments of her heart that she didn’t know existed before his love and made her feel things she has never felt before. He always thought about the embarrassing little things she did were adorable and it only made him fall further in love with her. He proved it to her just how much she meant to him every day. He didn’t make her wait around forever, he didn’t give her mixed signals, he didn’t play games with her head or her heart and he didn’t take advantage of how deeply she loved. He knew her better than she knew herself and he was the reason that she realized why it didn’t work out with anyone else. He loved her the way she deserved to be loved. She was the girl he had always dreamed about. He wasn’t perfect but he tried to be perfect for her. He was the kind of guy she was waiting for but while she had got him all at once, she lost him all forever.
If I ever decide to give up on you, just understand how much that took out of me. I’m the type to give endless chances, always have your back when you’re wrong and truly accept you for who you are as when the rest of the world doesn’t want you, I will.
So if I ever give up on you? Understand it took everything I had left inside of me to leave you alone. Because if I love you and care for you, there isn’t anything on this planet I would do only for you. “Leave you”. 🙂
Unthoughtful conversations made their way to friendship that was set curious on knowings, difficult on understandings, no expectations on carings but led the going on wonderings. Every next time that the words turned down to feelings, two dreamers sailed the reality. Both remained themselves for each other as however difficult it had been to face the levels of truths and facts. While one of them was hanging around the confusion, other pulled it right back to clearance. While one of them felt nowhere living the life, other gave the reasons for the bliss. While thoughts were existing to be exchanged in the purest way, love came along for them. There was nothing that they would never think for each other because everything that they thought was complete for their fairly livings as one another. Moments and memories always played the key roles with time because dreamers remained too much for each other’s existence. Going along the willingness for the fights and the closeness, the possessiveness and the protective bindings, the discoveries on the outings, the blindly trust, the naked bodies as connected souls, the feeling of being husband and wife, real great hugs and felling kisses, cuddling all the nights of togetherness, longer discussions on anything and everything, finding the reasons to see each other around all the while, opening up to all the expressions and emojis, dreamers made their best happenings in time. Nothing really went wrong but situations tore them apart. While advices where as tons, helpings were in no disgrace. Two of them yet were left for each other in some or the other way but nobody really understood the reasons on giving in. So one of them had to come up with some possibility, other went difficult on surviving the acceptance. One of them set forth the blessings, other was counting over the left days. One of them may live the life with all the hardness as everything in control, other would feel the dead tread rolling to its certainty. Along the dreamers, deep down that something which is always going to be is their purity of love as best that ever happened for both of them.
It’s been a while that he finally accepted the end, but his heart still aches everytime he thinks of how they ended.
He left. Not because she stopped wanting him, but because he no longer loved himself by loving her.
By fascinating all the affection of fragile fears, feelings rolled down to highness by shadowing the complete tears.
Passing by the heavy storms of a real long peer, that soul had to let it go until it wasn’t staying anymore near.
Selfless doings which revealed the outstanding, fell down for the stubborn heart.
To all those cherishings of enlightenment, deep-down discoveries directed the understandings of care and concern that relieved the hope.
Life doesn’t have breaks to stop, the fastest speed it’s going at.
So we are just headed into a wall,
With no outlet, no escape but an end.
All because we are pushed to the limit,
That the tears we cried today is the water supply for the next day.
To keep us going. To keep us struggling with a sense of hope.
Because this is something, something we can’t put our heart on.
We see so much darkness in the world, that we often forget about the shining lights.
All of the violence. All of the setbacks.
Experience that made me better so that I wouldn’t be a waterfall.
Beautiful to look at. Destructive as you move closer.
Passing through the illusion of relationship without being in an actual relationship, I dropped myself into the another pair of shoes in our artsy pictures of us where I dreamed upon a relationship like social media post that wins #relationshipgoals. I swiped left in hopes of finding the right person and there you came along my way because I tried to special order for soulmate by a simple request to my heart. Then and there I realised, that you and me invest more time in our profiles than our personalities. We talk, we text, we hangout and we enjoy happy hours. We go for a coffee and chill with a beer, we do anything around but we avoid actual date. We let go any chance of achieving real connection by mutually pulling legs with no winner and we tease each other in little serious conversations. We hold our hands without the real eye contact because our eyes swim deep in the depth of shyness. We want the pretty promise of remaining together forever but not actual commitment where comes a fear of setting apart on each other. Still we want to commit, a little but not a lot. We only aim to keep deep connections with no shallow thoughts. Still we want to connect, enough but not too much. We take it slow to see where it goes, we don’t label us and we just hang on. We want to walk this middle line like pretending we don’t have emotions while wearing our heart on our sleeve and wanting to be held by someone yet not just wanting to need someone. We sit around the family and friends discussing about the rules, but no one really knows the game we are trying to play. So we are on the mission of holding all our ships to sail together for the rest of our lives.
Strolling through the final airlock, you feel satisfied that the happiness is in order. Though the hopes are starched and the expectations are neatly arranged, you personally checked that every little thought is in perfect condition. You believe tomorrow’s going to go great and you’re finally off the clock. You look back one last time anyway and see the time between your clinging wishes stays as they always make you nervous. It feels difficult justifying your non-existent wonders while everyone else still has regular maintenance duties over their living.
You close your eyes and brush your teeth with the smallest dab of toothpaste, thinking on the digital world, where the colors are sharp, your purpose is clear, your name respected and you never have to deal with annoyances like cramped quarters, monthly bone treatments, or strict water restrictions. You rinse with the smallest swig of water you can manage and wipe your face with mordant.
You set your walkie-talkie down on a nearby drawer, and lean back against the chair backing at the foot of your bed. You close your eyes as adhrenaline boosts up. The loading music alone just melts the boredom away. It’s delicious because it’s your kind of love.
You progress through the compound of reality, dispatching more and more guards. You pass piles of undead fears.
Crave your own niche, learn to embrace the randomness. The purpose of this glorious life is not simply to endure it, but to soar, stumble and flourish love with existence. Because we were born to live, not to merely exist.