Crush at heart. Crush on mind. 

Life doesn’t have breaks to stop, the fastest speed it’s going at. 

So we are just headed into a wall,

With no outlet, no escape but an end. 

All because we are pushed to the limit,

That the tears we cried today is the water supply for the next day. 

To keep us going. To keep us struggling with a sense of hope. 

Because this is something, something we can’t put our heart on. 

We see so much darkness in the world, that we often forget about the shining lights. 

All of the violence. All of the setbacks. 

Experience that made me better so that I wouldn’t be a waterfall. 

Beautiful to look at. Destructive as you move closer. 

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Virtual reality of you & me

Passing through the illusion of relationship without being in an actual relationship, I dropped myself into the another pair of shoes in our artsy pictures of us where I dreamed upon a relationship like social media post that wins #relationshipgoals. I swiped left in hopes of finding the right person and there you came along my way because I tried to special order for soulmate by a simple request to my heart. Then and there I realised, that you and me invest more time in our profiles than our personalities. We talk, we text, we hangout and we enjoy happy hours. We go for a coffee and chill with a beer, we do anything around but we avoid actual date. We let go any chance of achieving real connection by mutually pulling legs with no winner and we tease each other in little serious conversations. We hold our hands without the real eye contact because our eyes swim deep in the depth of shyness. We want the pretty promise of remaining together forever but not actual commitment where comes a fear of setting apart on each other. Still we want to commit, a little but not a lot. We only aim to keep deep connections with no shallow thoughts. Still we want to connect, enough but not too much. We take it slow to see where it goes, we don’t label us and we just hang on. We want to walk this middle line like pretending we don’t have emotions while wearing our heart on our sleeve and wanting to be held by someone yet not just wanting to need someone. We sit around the family and friends discussing about the rules, but no one really knows the game we are trying to play. So we are on the mission of holding all our ships to sail together for the rest of our lives. 

Market for feelings – battles to healing.

Strolling through the final airlock, you feel satisfied that the happiness is in order. Though the hopes are starched and the expectations are neatly arranged, you personally checked that every little thought is in perfect condition. You believe tomorrow’s going to go great and you’re finally off the clock. You look back one last time anyway and see the time between your clinging wishes stays as they always make you nervous. It feels difficult justifying your non-existent wonders while everyone else still has regular maintenance duties over their living.

You close your eyes and brush your teeth with the smallest dab of toothpaste, thinking on the digital world, where the colors are sharp, your purpose is clear, your name respected and you never have to deal with annoyances like cramped quarters, monthly bone treatments, or strict water restrictions. You rinse with the smallest swig of water you can manage and wipe your face with mordant. 

You set your walkie-talkie down on a nearby drawer, and lean back against the chair backing at the foot of your bed. You close your eyes as adhrenaline boosts up. The loading music alone just melts the boredom away. It’s delicious because it’s your kind of love. 
You progress through the compound of reality, dispatching more and more guards. You pass piles of undead fears. 

Crave your own niche, learn to embrace the randomness. The purpose of this glorious life is not simply to endure it, but to soar, stumble and flourish love with existence. Because we were born to live, not to merely exist.